{just a brain squirt}

Mon-tree-al

2009-02-02T22:08:00.000-08:00

I think that I shall never see
A poem lovely as a tree.

A tree whose hungry mouth is prest
Against the sweet earth's flowing breast;

A tree that looks at God all day,
And lifts her leafy arms to pray;

A tree that may in summer wear
A nest of robins in her hair;

Upon whose bosom snow has lain;
Who intimately lives with rain.

Poems are made by fools like me,
But only God can make a tree.

Trees By Joyce Kilmer

That is my favorite tree poem.
This is my favorite tree.
(In Montreal. So far, at least.)

Quebec City in Color

2009-02-01T22:56:00.000-08:00

'

*photos thanks to Alex and Mike

Mother Nature, an artist among other things

2009-02-01T22:27:00.000-08:00

Spent the weekend in Quebec City. It was the perfect get away. A little taste of Europe from what I hear, it was just gorgeous, great atmosphere. I hope to return someday.

Yesterday morning, as we were gearing up to check out, Mike* noticed the masterpiece that had collected on my hotel room window the night before and thankfully captured its elegance with a digital photograph!

Have you ever seen such breathtaking frost patterns in all your life?....... You can thank the Mother.

*for more of Mike's creative genius check out www.themikeman.net

Superforest & Save-A-Seed

2009-01-29T10:57:00.000-08:00

My new friend Jackson and his company of SuperForesters have built up the Save-A-Seed Coalition, and I'mma join 'em.

According to The Millenium Seed Bank Project it is estimated that anywhere from "60,000 to 100,000 plant species are threatened with extinction."

With forested areas being cut down and paved over AND our climate being all whacked out, it's no wonder these plants are facing such uncertain fates. And, incase any of you have forgotten, life depends on plants. You depend on plants. Yo' mama depends on plants. Friends, roommates, teachers, firefolks, policefolks, singers, dancers, yogis, strangers, and bloggers all depend on plants. Even your pooch depends on plants!

The brilliance behind the MSB is to collect and conserve seeds from all around the world. So they're pretty awesome and they need help. Donations are necessary for seeds to be saved and I'm trying to spread the good word. Even if you can't donate green, you should donate your words and tell someone else.

Think of your word as a seed, and think of the beautiful tree you can grow by simply telling someone, who'll tell someone, who'll tell someone else about the MSB!

For the love of your pooch, do it!
And check out Superforest too!

Chloe and Me :)

Paying Homage

2009-01-28T23:20:00.000-08:00

This semester, I'm studying in Montreal at a Champlain College satellite campus (we also have campuses in Dublin and in Mumbai). Back in Vermont, at the main campus, our school mascot is the Beaver... And boyyyyyyy do we LOVE the beaver.

Thanks to my roommate Brooke for this little gem.

Amen sistah!

Check out Brooke's blog, A Brooke Abroad, for more about our adventures in this fine city.

Oh and...

2009-01-28T18:39:00.001-08:00

I wouldn't hate it if the Jackson 5 made a comeback in the near future...

...I'd just Blame It On the Boogie.

Thanks to my lovely, limber, and tree-tall friend, Madison, for exposing me to this gem.

Music Overload

2009-01-28T17:44:00.000-08:00

These next three months my music therapy will consist of experiencing the following, live, here Montreal ...

Brett Dennen
>>

Lykke Li
>>

Mishka
>>

The only other thing I could ask for would be --

-- Devendra, Rachael, and Jason showing up sometime before I skedaddle. Don't want to overload myself though, this will do and I'll catch the others eventually. On my next move. I'm sure of it.

The Gaps Between Memory

2009-01-25T14:02:00.001-08:00

"Entre les Trous de la Memoire" by Swiss painter Dominique Appia.

While perusing a small book store on rue St. Denis yesterday, I was drawn to this piece.

Soon, I hope to buy it, hang it and spend time with it. With art, I have to take it slow. I've got to flirt with a piece, tease and be teased and build something of a relationship with it.

It has a slight Dali feel to it, right?

It's got a lot to say. I'm intrigued. It's lovely.

xo.

Montreal and mindgames

2009-01-25T12:00:00.000-08:00

The room I sleep in is beginning to feel like my own and the people I recognize are beginning to feel like friends.

Going on three weeks that I've been abroad, ya. Yes, abroad. They laugh when I say I am abroad... "You're going to Canada. That's not abroad." From what minimal experience I have here, it's abroad-er than not. And I hope to portray some such idea through camera lenses and optic senses.

Just recently I was promoted to 'resident photographer' which will be a driving force for my exploratory ventures. The catch is, I don't have a functional camera at the moment. The college says they'll supply me with one mid-week. At which time, I can groove with it, move with it, flash click-it, finger lick-it, say cheese quick-it, and on and on and on.

Photos soon, that's essentially what I'm saying.

There are things all over and in and around this city that make my head spin and fill me with good vibrations and I'm happier than a hamster to be able to document them photographically.

Can't say when I'll be back. The timing must be right. Until I return enjoy Oren Lavie and his dreamy redheaded muse in Her Morning Elegance

[Inspiration here. Inspiration there.]

#63

2008-11-27T22:48:00.000-08:00

My family loved the encouraging banner I made...

...and I loved the food my family made (of course I helped, taking on the role of taste-tester, mmm!)

We all won. We all had lots to be thankful for.

I hope your thanksgiving
was fun and full of
thanks, encouragement
and fabulous food.

Carolyn (still at home!)

Stuffing, cranberry sauce and those lil onions!

2008-11-26T22:57:00.001-08:00

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!
LOOK AROUND, BE THANKFUL
...I know I sure am :)

Ask yourself...

2008-11-26T20:49:00.000-08:00

So, I saw this video tonight at Swiss Miss and thought is necessary to share because today is Thanksgiving and I happen to be thankful for creative minds.

Fifty People, One Question: New York from Crush & Lovely on Vimeo.

After watching this video I had a thought... I thoroughly enjoy out of the box ideas, taken to the realm of reality, with the goal of making people smile or think or interact with one another. No matter how wild, weird or out of the ordinary the idea, if it has the ability to manifest a smile, to me, it's awesome.

This particular video started with "...an idea. To go to a place. Ask fifty people the same question. Film their response."

How cool?! I love that!!

Miranda July is one of those special people just brimming with wildly fresh ideas. This marvelous lady wrote, directed and starred in one of my favorite movies of all time, Me You and Everyone We Know... which I recommend to anyone who has any interest in the human condition.

Christine Jesperson (Miranda July) along side Richard Swersey (John Hawkes) in Me You and Everyone We Know.

Miss July along with Harrell Fletcher began a side project they call Learning To Love You More which is more or less an open art project in which the general public in invited to submit their own work in response to a series of assignments.

Borrowing from the LTLYM brain child, I have decided that I will create an encouraging banner (assignment #63) and put it up for everyone to see this Thanksgiving!

And in response to the questions "What do you wish would happen by the end of the day today?"... I wish that some more of you check out these inspirational folks and their fabulous work.

With that said I am going to get started on my banner. I'd like to hang it in the family room before everyone wakes up ;)

-Carolyn (from home)

Yoga, Montreal and Brain squirts oh my!

2008-11-22T22:14:00.000-08:00

I have all these thoughts, right... I have all these feelings too. And currently they're leading me to this singular realization: I do yoga to keep myself sane. Without it I tend to loose my marbles.

Montreal is going to be cool. Both literally and figuratively. I'm ready for some new, mind opening, friend finding, connection making adventures. I imagine my cheeks will be rosy and I'll have hat head most of the days, and I smile.

Bikram Yoga Montreal is splendid from the looks of it.

$360 for a three month student membership and that's all mine. Going to be a big step from taking classes for free at the studio here in Burlington, but with a new city comes new expenses. Maybe I'll start going more often. Maybe I'll finally get up to four classes a week. Oh, how sweet my life would be.

I'll miss Bikram Yoga Burlington. Kelley. And Jessica. And Marla too, even though I knew her for a short time. And the blue wall in the heated room that always calmed me down and allowed me to focus. The golden OM. The mosaic sink in the bathroom. The thick, floral area carpet. And I'll miss the Thursday meetings with iced passion-fruit lemonade. I'll miss it all.

The transition won't be too hard though. Staying static doesn't work well for me. Change does. I'm open, completely open to what's to come. I'm ready for amazing things to happen.

OXXO,
Carolyn

NAY for things starting with A!

2008-11-09T20:37:00.000-08:00

Accounting and going Abroad are stressin' me outttttt. I feel like this

I just wanna yell right now!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhHHhHhhHHHhhHHHHhhhhHHhhhHHhHHhHhhHHhHHhhhHHHhHHHhhhhhhhhhHhHHHHHhhhhHhhhH! Okay that feels a bit better.

Gonna read a bit more about adjusting entries, then just watch Pushing Daisies and get some sleep. I'll do the rest of my homework in the car on the way back to Vermont tomorrow.

I am pretty excited to get my passport stuff done in the morning. One less thing to worry about. My list of things to get done seems never ending...it feels so great to be able to draw a thick, dark line through one of the little bastards after I conquer it.

Peace,love,freeadove.
Cack (from home)

O's for Obama

2008-11-06T19:57:00.000-08:00

Hookah. It's a lazy activity, so naturally, also one that I enjoy. Tonight I found myself alone in my suite with my accounting book staring me irksomely in the face when I thought... SCREW THIS! And after shutting its putrid pages I grabbed the coal and lit up the hookah. EXTREME STRAWBERRY rushed over my tongue and down to my lungs filling my head with a sense of clarity. And I blew O's for Obama.

Maybe I should go do something a bit more productive... Coals out!!!

This just in...

2008-11-05T19:55:00.000-08:00

Obama is a president!

AND

Palin is a donkey...

FUN FACTS, EHHY?

Something

2008-10-21T18:37:00.000-07:00

I'm drowning in school. School is flowing over me, overwhelming me, rising up, entrapping me. I fight, I cry, I pound the ground with my feet, with my fists.

Needed to do SOMETHING relatively creative. Blog post seemed easy enough.

I've got a stack of Polaroids I'd like to scan.

I've got to work on Accounting, but I only want to lay in bed with my eyes closed...Damn cookie crumbles. Jak is on her way in to my room to sit with me. At least I won't be alone.

Please, please be sunny and dry tomorrow. I'd like nothing more than to lay in the grass, if not for a few minutes. Just to clear my head in nature. Rain can be a depressing something, sometimes.

Baby Asian !!

2008-08-30T21:42:00.000-07:00

Just rediscovered this old gem a minute ago.. He's the raddest! This gets me every time :D

Brief Update!

2008-08-30T10:19:00.000-07:00

Since I got home from Florida I've been a mix and match of emotions. My grandmother passed away a year ago and we just finally sold her house which took a lot to wrap my head around. All of the memories, I mean I grew up in that house, they were vivid for a second and then kind of faded. For days on end we sorted through pictures, furniture, kitchen, bedrooms, bathroom, the basement, gah. When the time was right I would sneak away and revisit my secret passages and hidden treasures, I even shut myself in a lonely old closet to get away and recharge my battery (no worries though, it was very roomy and the smell reminded me of Beda!) In between the chaos I got to see some friends a couple times, not nearly as much as i would've liked, but that's the way love goes, right?

OKay so I'm leaving tomorrow morning for school and I have nothing packed.. YIKES.

Au revoir mes amies ;)

Home Shweeeeeeet Home

2008-08-29T23:19:00.000-07:00

THERE WILL BE AN UPDATE SOON. SO UNTIL THEN, LATER GATOR ;)

VOTE OBAMA

2008-08-29T23:03:00.001-07:00

It boggles my mind how you could vote for anyone but Obama, especially after hearing his speech at the Democratic National Convention. It just makes perfect sense, he is the best man for the job. Even if I had a bushzillion dollars in the bank and tax cuts for me looked mighty fine, I'd be voting instead for a better America. A better America by means of Barack Obama. He opens eyes. He opens hearts. He is reality. He inspires change and keeps hope alive.

"Cuz when you've got it, you've got it.. So when you see it, you spot it." You got it? He has.. For the love of anything and everything, vote Obama!

Faux Floridian

2008-08-08T14:56:00.000-07:00

My time as a faux Floridian has come to an end. Today is my last day in Jacksonville and it kind of hasn't hit me yet.. I've already gone out to lunch with Laurie and the kids for the last time, we ate at Taco Lu so that meant my last time being there, it's just weird ya know? Surreal. Anyway tonight is going to be fun. Dinner at Chicago Pizza with friends and my favorite waiter Kevin ;) Then drinks and more friends at our house one last time! I'm psyched for tonight, my outfit, and pictures. Speaking of pictures here are a few from today..

This is my lovely and comfy cool room.. I figured it best to take some pictures so I may remember it the way I had lived in it all summer, before I tore everything off the walls and left it full of only my memories.

This little guy was hanging out outside my window the whole afternoon, I named him Edgar. Check out how green that grass it! Totally not edited... ;)

And here is Leila, Mason, and me.. Leila gave me a fabulous piece of personal art work before we parted ways. I'll keep it always.

Boy am I tired. My lack of sleep has left me aching and lethargic. I need an energy boost and it's called PIZZA!
xoCak

I'm too excited to sleep..

2008-08-07T23:13:00.000-07:00

Or it may have been all that sugar I ate before bed..? Anyhow, I can't sleep and I've been up watching YOUTUBE videos like these all night:

i finally stopped, said hi to wells on IM (he had to save dave, which i thought was cute), i looked at my google search bar and saw the work "effeminate" which i then remembered looking up earlier tonight when i heard it and didn't know what it meant.. so i got to thinking about how many words i hear on a daily basis that i don't know. now it isn't that many, or at least i think i understand the majority of words that i hear. but i'm going to be more conscious of words, they're fun and important, and i want to know as many as i can.. so i've decided that...

when someone says a word i dont know, i'm going to act like i do and be cool. then i'll remember the word and later look it up via a resource on the web or maybe a dictionary if there's one available, that'd be cool cuz i usually just use dictionary.com..... and finally i'll use the word properly the next chance i get.

urbandictionary.com is fun

this post is random, but i'm bored so i think that makes sense.. i like things to make sense, and if they don't i make up a way for them to... make sense, that is.

okay i'm seriously going to close my computer and put it down now.

sleep is imperative! ohhhhhh do you know the definition of that word? imperative.. maybe you should act like you do until i go to sleep momentarily and then look it up, learn it well, and use it properly when the sun rises or something.

okay really enough of this carolyn, sleep.

Exerpts from bulletins and then some

2008-08-07T21:02:00.000-07:00

aug 4: carefree and fun-filled. great day. kim and pat !!, lunch at pussers, dink nick and girl, waiter/comedian, coconut crusted, pube fries, ups, cycle spectrum, bubba and mike, red-hot gti cruises and awesome talks, windows down, wind ow!, murphdogfriend!, the weather!, omg the weather, best sushi i've ever eaten, tapas, beach bowl, one strike, hahahas, specials, IM catch up with swell cats, candles in bed.

aug 5: last night of work, so bittersweet. hanging with pat and co. at the bachelor pad. pretty people text me ;)

aug 5th was a blast. pat was house sitting/kitten sitting for a friend. the house was rad, 70's style bachelor pad was the vibe it gave off. he had really interesting knick knacks around everywhere. Brandon came and I was surprised to find him and Pat embracing the moment he stepped through the door (even after Pat said if this kid I invited wasn't cool then he was gonna kick him in the face, or something equally as horrific) so yay, i'm friends with a bunch of sick ass kids who get along. erin, ian, and pat got whooped by me in scattegories before the other cats showed up.. i saved my answer sheet which doubled as a score card. i'll scan it one of these days and post it up. i cheated on the word cnidarian, i left off the C because the letter we had to start our words with was N and it's a silent C in cnidarian and i didn't think anyone would catch on and they didn't so i got the point for "things found under the sea".. but even without that point i still would've whooped them. sorry guys for cheating! ok on to the 6th...

aug 6: i wake up, after a beautiful night of sleep each evening, and i smile. and then the fun starts.

today was a filled with fun and friends, namely brandon.. woke up in the 70's funk pad that pat's house sitting, stretched out something fierce for minutes on end, finally got in an acura with a long haired dude wearing funny shades and headed to sunset drive.. upon arrival i bid my driver farewell as i won't be seeing him before i leave sunny funny floriduh.. put the key in the lock, turned the key, and opened the front door.. walked briskly to my bed for a lily-lay down. uploaded some killer pictures to the jacksonville thrill album which you lovely peeps can peep at your earliest convenience.. went out to lunch with brando, taco lu, saw some of my favorite people, almost got the place shut down cuz dos xx and 19 don't mesh well.. so we split.. got yogaberry.. strawberry with blueberries and granola for me.. sometimes i'm earthy-crunchy like that.. don't hate, i didn't want reece's cups or fruity pebbles.. then we got smokes.. then we went to target.. brandon was super fabulous, helping me pick out my "last night in jax beach party" ensemble, and i came away with some stellar pieces.. we parted ways momentarily so he could allow some relief for his pooches bladder, very important.. we reconvened and took some rather foreign bikes out for a beach cruise.. beer sips, leopard coozy, run-ins with friends, sandy feet, way too many dogs per square foot of beach, jax - neptune - atlantic, all in one sitting ;) we sweated like crazy in the 95 degree, feels like 110 degree, with the humidity, weather.. cedar street stop for kiki the cat.. she pooped, thank god.. that was nasty, but i washed my hands don't worry.. so brando and i biked it back to my place and roped eileen into going to crabcake factory with us for a late dinner date.. it was delish, big daddy mike orr showed up fashionably late.. brandon had to catch a show, luckily not "dude where's my corpse", so he peaced out like a girl scout.. eileen, mike and i finished up some drinks.. a wine, a vodka on the rocks, and a pink lemonade ;) and now we're slumbering at the rockport estate after popcorn and a movie.. jumper, hayden christensen wasn't looking his best, nor was bilson, but blu-ray is tight.. just like my eye's are about to be.

so there you have it, portions of my week thus far.. tomorrow is chicago pizza and house party, saturday i leave, but hopefully not before i write about friday.

xo

Just like a bruise

2008-08-07T20:35:00.001-07:00

So, today was a little less fun-filled as yesterday, but it was still pretty sweet. Brandon and I got brunch, if you will, at Cinotti's this delicious bakery RIGHT by my house which I've never been to until today. They have sandwiches and things, so I got tuna fish with lettuce, tomato, and onions YUM! and I wanted a pastry, but I opted against it. Brandon got a s'mores cupcake. I tried a piece, it was aiiiight. I'm not a big fan of faux s'mores, I like the real thing though, big time. Actually I made one when I got home tonite.

OK, so brunch with Brandon.. Then he took me to Generations Salon to get my hairr done. SO FRESH! Miss Teresa Marie was my lovely stylist and we did a blue black color all over, which is black, but it has a hint of blueness to it. It's pretty fantastic. And we also did little hidden blue bits and pieces all around my head. Keep an eye out for them ;) And it took much longer than expected, but that's okay cuz I'm leaving on Saturday and it was greaaaat to spend some time with Teresa. She did my eyebrows and my lip too.. thankfully I'm not as hairy as Teresa's aunt with the bleached mustache that tickles her whenever she kisses her at family events.. That'd be............... ehh. Recap: My head looks like a bruise. One sexy, shiny, health bruise to be exact.

Yeah, we took really long getting me put together so Brandon got a little anxious and I told him to just drop off my cloves and he didn't have to worry about driving me home.. He wanted to come and see my hair, but Jess and him were gonna smoke hookah (ahhhhh! it's been so long since I've smoked hookah) Whatever, he came and thought she did a fab job on my domeee. And Nila?.. from the consignment shop next door to the salon was outside and she likewise thought my hair was fab-tastic.. and I saw a little rack of clothes outside and happened upon these unbelievable shorts. They're royal blue, big and flowy, they come up to under my "bust" and from the back look almost like a skirt, but yeah they were awesome, and on the $1 rack!!!? Can you imagine?! I was psyched. Inside I found a pair of sandals that were just to die for, $21. SOLD!

Teresa, the saint that she is, took me home and I got dolled up in my new ensemble. Von picked me up for dinner. Eileen, Von and I ate at Cafe Nola, this little restaurant in the Museum of Contemporary Art (MOCA!) The girls are members and apparently pay ridiculous sums of money to be a part of the MOCA and they haven't really ever been there for real, so we went to check it out and eat. The food was perfect.. They did this pre-fixe menu, 3-courses for $25.. $25! So we eat got a different appetizer, the haricot vert frites made my tastebuds erect as did the salad with goat cheese and blueberries WOW! Then we each got the same entree, shrimp with wild mushrooms and cheese grit crustinis, the sauce on that was unlike anything I've ever experienced AND! it was a full portion. Eileen says that usually when you go to pre-fixe meals everything is a bit smaller than usual, nope, not at Cafe Nola. If anyone is in downtown Jacksonville ever, go there! Obviously I can sense things and there was a reason I didn't get a goodie at Cinotti's. It came during dessert. Chocolate pyramid mousse, key lime pie my favorite, AND bananas foster cheesecake.. UMMMM HELLO? UMMMM HI!? To. Die. For. And we all almost did burst right then and there at the table. Thankfully my new shorts were flowy and loose ;)

My Boys finale was shocking.. and then not. PJ fucked things up for herself yet again. I still love her guts though. I think I'm marrying the wrong woman!!? YES. Sorry to ruin it for anyone who might stumble onto this and care the least bit about My Boys. OK, I'm about to post about my last couple days, a couple days late. See you in a bit!

The Mae Shi

2008-07-31T12:41:00.000-07:00

This video reminds me, in a way, of the Vampire Weekend A-Punk video. These kids are groovy anyhow. Check them out!

The song is called Run For Your Grave.. iTune's that shit!

The Cats Ass

2008-07-31T12:06:00.000-07:00

Everyone has heard the saying "Such and such thinks their the cats ass." I've always found it to be a funny phrase, but I'm beginning lately, to understand it more and more. Cat's really are phenomenal. Inspiration has come to me in the feline form rather often as of late and here are a few examples.

First, a poem that I found in the May Edition of Skirt Magazine, a local ladies mag down here in Jacksonville.

the blue hour, my favorite time,
not yet night, no longer day
anything is possible...ghosts can
walk, a cow bell sounds cosmic,
angels might be abroad, a
parallel universe might lie just
over the hilll, the planet slows
down enough for us to hear the
music of the spheres if we close
our eyes and listen with our
hearts, plants inhale color and
exhale perfume, dew falls like
kind words, insects pause and
discuss who knows that among
themselves, a cat sitting on a
stone wall knows the meaning
of life and would tell us if we
simply asked.
Nikki Hardin, publisher

How amazing is that? You can't help but believe every word of it. At least I can't. I feel as though I could've written it any of those cool nights in Burlington, before the snow got to be too much. And the words seem to match up exactly with my feelings here in Jacksonville, when I bike home late from work. Everything is still and my only company is the blue sky and the "outside" cats. It's perfect. I'm still on the hunt for Nikki Hardin's blog, so if anyone finds it please pass along the good word.

In other feline news: Cat Burglar in Neptune Beach Leaves Toilet Running!

The Warners are off on another jetset adventure, this time to Maine. (Lucky) Only after I begged them to take me along of course. After a failed plead they have instead left me in charge of kitty sitting. Upon rolling out of bed and throwing on a pre-worn ensemble I hopped on my bike and cruised off. Through the jungle like foliage that decorates Florida Blvd then down First Street, admiring the surfers and hippies along the way. I stopped off to buy a pack or two of cloves in a hidden shop on Atlantic, thankfully I have finally found success. 8 til' late, my savior. Got to the house, parked my bike and skipped inside to hang with my favorite Jacksonville furball. "Keeeee-kee!" I beaconed. Not too loud though, she has sensitive ears. My decibels were on point, but no kitty to be found. Under the beds, in the kitchen, bathtub, computer room, kids rooms, and nothing. Wait! Downstairs! DUH.. As I approached the bathroom adjacent to the guest bedroom I heard something that made me feel a bit uneasy. The toilet sounded like it was trying to get steady after a night of heavy drinking.. he was trying to settle ya know? Like after a flush the toilet seems like it needs to catch it's breath, so it hisses a little bit and then finally stills in silence? Well, no one is supposed to be home, there is one car in the drive way which tells me that they must've taken the other one to the airport. And no one hollered back, human or feline, after my cat calls. Perhaps they taught Kiki to use the bathroom to save me the trouble of cleaning the litter box? Maybe she didn't recognize my voice and got freaked out and wanted to freak me out back? Who knows. Cats have always seemed really intelligent to me, so I won't put it passed her. Guess I'll try again tomorrow.

Meow,
Carolyn

Raw and uncut

2008-07-28T19:52:00.000-07:00

God, if your reading this... I truly appreciate you allowing this video into my life on this most bountiful day. And that veggie calzone, thanks for that too ;)

Hysterical. All smiles, I am.

And for the record, folks, I just spent an hour or three in a Ronnie Day web-cam chat room.. Unlucky for everyone in there I left my web-cam at home this evening, so I was unable to grace them with my presence visually. From mere observation Ronnie needs to be hugged. He was acting much too uptight. However, he has mucho taliento. The pipes he's got on him are beautiful and usually dead on. And his instrumental skills would surely impress Napoleon Dynamite King of the Girls like Guys with Skills.

AIGHT,I'MHITTINGTHEHAY
SWEETDREAMSGENTLEFOLK;)
<3CAKGETSRADONRONNIEDAY

I'll put a spell on you...

2008-07-27T14:15:00.000-07:00

Drink this... it's refreshing isn't it? Would you like some more? Now come with me. Let's run. Here, hold my hand and let's run together. Faster? OK, yeah this is better. Wanna jump? Sure, yeah definitely. Well then GO! JUMP! Now flap your arms and lift off the ground. Flying! We're flying. Can you believe it? I think I love you.

"I've been watching your world from afar. I've been trying to be where you are. And I've been secretly falling apart. To me, you're strange and you're beautiful. You'd be so perfect with me but you just can't see."

This creped through my stereo just a minute ago and all I could think of was you. Of course! I put together you're words and gestures (or lack thereof) as best I can. Alas, clueless I remain. I've been working extra hard lately, day in - day out, but I find I'd rather listen to a song instead and hum along. Perhaps I should take that as the sign. Leave it be, just move on, forget about you and us and those days when we were together and together we could fly. I literally felt like I was flying then. Over, under clouds, under, over clouds, through and around them and I wouldn't come down until we'd lay together, hands held tight, to sleep. And the funny thing is my feet didn't miss the ground one bit. Love, if I am recalling correctly. And you knew it too.

BYOYM

2008-07-26T08:55:00.000-07:00

I'm trying yoga on the beach for the first time this afternoon, legitimately. Feeling pretty pscyhed. Heading down to Jax Beach in a bit to burn up in the hot sun and melt away in the ocean prior to my zen session. Hopefully the waves are gnar today, getting roughed up by salt water is such a good feeling. Definitely in my top ten. Others include: new socks, kittens awww, wind on face, flying, fingertips on skin (just to clarify, that's your fingertips on my skin.)

P.S. The title means: 'Bring your own yoga mat', pretty imperative.

ALRIGHT! Enjoy your day.
and here's a little mantra to take with you:
Words have wings, so speak good things ;)

143all

Sun Circus

2008-07-24T07:56:00.000-07:00

I would love to spend today blogging in the grass. The sun is shining, happiest I've seen her in a while. Alas, Taco Lu beckons... I'm only working a lunch shift so hopefully le soleil will still be bright and playful once I am set free. Good day to all! Time to ride ;)

Word of the Day: Vulnerable

2008-07-23T12:03:00.000-07:00

I need to allow myself to be more vulnerable, I think. Perhaps we all do. Something that I notice in myself is this hard exterior that I can almost switch on at the touch of a button. Inside, though, is a fluttering mess of emotions. We all build walls in order to feel safe and secure in our own skin. The ironic thing is that in order to connect comfortably with someone that wall must be able to be passed through. It is imperative that we allow one another in, however slight the entrance might be... otherwise we will forever be solitary vessels, coming in contact and then bouncing off in a slew of directions.

Roof Sex

2008-07-22T07:58:00.001-07:00

Thank You PES for this moving piece ! ;]

On Not Eating Meat and Liking Birds

2008-07-22T07:50:00.000-07:00

i guess i look at it this way... we all know the difference between right and wrong, but if you step back and take a look we [humans] choose wrong over right a sick percentage of the time. it seems to be a challenge for us to make good choices. i know in order for me to enjoy bacon with my eggs, animals have to die. and so, this is my conscious effort to do the right thing. i am not perfect, i slip up every once in a while, but don't we all?

on a different note,
i like birds... a lot.

how beautiful is she?!

Boo-hoo

2008-07-21T09:59:00.000-07:00

Is it weird that I miss Eric? Maybe not even Eric specifically, but the days of Eric, Pat and I... before all the other cats came to the Lu.. then again that isn't necessarily true because I really enjoy most of the people I work with. We get along well enough, but it's not the same. He'll be back this week, Eric, and I'm gonna giggle a lot more at work. I'm sure of it. I always get giggly around him. Other than that the Lu is slowly becoming less of a happy place for me.

I feel under appreciated and broke. This isn't what I wanted.

Spotless Mind

2008-07-17T12:48:00.000-07:00

hardly... but it's getting better. i'm feeling better.

[open wide, scream, shout
stab the ground, let it out
stop and think, wait now blink
and throw your fists around

the mind is full of bullshit thoughts
packed up tight clogging the heart
push and pull and pull and push
numb to feeling, head is mush

open wide, scream, shout
stab the ground, let it out
stop and think, wait now blink
please put your weapon down

pick up the pen and touch it down
ink flows from it with a sound
of tears and moans of agony
yes you can and will find peace

open wide, scream, shout
stab the ground, let it out
stop and think, wait now blink
beautifully silent mind]

:)

2008-07-16T00:52:00.001-07:00

hello beautiful, i'm so happy tonite. and i hope the same for you.

Shakespeare was a kid once...

2008-07-01T18:53:00.001-07:00

Thanks to Superforest for being ever fabulous. This clip, featured on their blog, made me laugh out loud (LOL!). So much so that I decided to spread the LOL love. Not only is Ken Robinson a brilliant bloke (...he's British) he is truly interested in the well being of the environment and cares deeply for future generations. He understands how to better hone our creative abilities in a way that will surely benefit humankind and our entire planet, rather than stifle our unbelievable minds. Ken Robinson can see the potential and is voicing his ideas on just how to allow that potential to come into being... Yes! YAY Ken, YAY Superforest, YAY TedTalks, YAY open mindedness, YAY creativity, YAY YAY YAY... OKay now watch.

LOVEANDPEACE,
CAROLYN

Laughable

2008-06-24T21:07:00.001-07:00

I heard a strange man in my house tonight. He was making some very eerie and semi-unorthodox noises. This fella proceeded to use our toilet, all the while causing a ruckus. He sounded dangerous. Maybe he had a weapon...? As I peered out of my window as slow as molasses I noticed an unfamiliar white vehicle in the drive way. Knew my sister and our other roommate were asleep, but didn't know how long it would take before he attacked. So I locked my door, grabbed my phone, and dialed 911. On the other end of the phone a helpful man tried to ease my fears... "hi carolyn, what's your address? (blah blah blah) the police are on their way ma'am. (okayyy, [voice trembling]) try and stay calm. (calm right, GOD! what was I thinking not staying calm...) who's in the house with you? (uhh aside from the man who's probably going to cut me up...!) OKAY the police are outside now ma'am. are you safe? (for now, tell them to put a little pep in their step k? greaat.) okay the white car, in the driveway... do you know anyone named Michael O**? (wHAT DAA FUCK!@#!#$%^????!!!!?!?!?!?)" And there I stood, in the darkness of my front door, in my tanktop and underwear and I heard myself say to roughly 7 cops who were scattered about on my front lawn "Yes officers, I do know him, he dates my sister, I didn't expect him to be coming over tonight, they didn't tell me, I'm so sorry."

End scene.

Feel It Don't Conceal It

2008-06-24T18:05:00.000-07:00

Go ahead, feel yo...

"Calm down, deep breaths, and get yourself dressed instead of running around and pulling on your threads and breaking yourself up. If it's a broken part replace it, if it's a broken arm then brace it, if it's a broken heart then face it. Hold your own, know your name and go your own way. And everything will be fine.

Hang on. Help is on the way. Stay strong. I'm doing everything. Hold your own, know your name, and go your own way. Hold your own, know your name, and go you own way. And everything will be fine.

Are the details in the fabric? Are there things that make you panic? Are your thoughts results of static cling? Are there things that make you blow. Oh, no reason, go on and scream. If you’re shocked it’s just the fault of faulty manufacturing.

And everything will be fine. Everything, in no time at all. Everything...

Yo, what's up man?... etc etc. I feel like your an island of reality in an ocean of diarrhea and I love you. K, bye."

Details in the Fabric lyrics by Jason Mraz.

Donny Miller is a F***ingARTist

I can't get away from thinking. Quit telling me to quit it, it's not merely a habit. I'll keep it up in the air, so sorry to scare.... you. Trying to sabotage? I'll scrub the tub, I'll fold my own clothes, no worries, no woes. Run from illusions, delusions, pineapple infusions are niiiice. Think dude, wake up! See your life? It's in motion, there's no potion. Make love. Quick, don't quit. Think, I think deep. Shallow ends chill, but aren't you intrigued by thrill? Have high highs forget low lows, listen to Mraz and so it goes.

{justabrainsquirt}

love,
CML

My So-Called Life

2008-06-15T19:15:00.000-07:00

I've decided to embrace a more carefree attitude. I've got the physical portion down (nudity is nothing new), I've just gotta get my mind up to speed, or would it be down to speed?... I just think that I think too much most of the time. So, I'm going to (try)...to let things happen rather than over analyze. I'm throwing my mental inhibitions to the sea breeze.

Something about the cliche 90s drama My So-Called Life makes me really feel. Like overly feel. And I like it. And I've already used the word "like" more times than allotted per blog. For... like effect of course ;)

Things seem to be looking up, mildly. On the job front, the friend front, the ocean front, and the home front life is getting there. Yogaberry and such, hookah relaxation, Brandon and Jess, surfing or, rather giving it a ballsy effort, that lifeguard who's got my number, going biking forever, swimming and letting the waves rough me up, and... understanding?

I am beginning to understand some reasons for things occurring in life, nature, the human mind, etc. that I have been troubled by for, um sometime now. I can't elaborate at the present moment seeing as it's merely a beginning. In due time I'm sure; I'll be writing books on my insights... "So just be patient with me. I'm not as shrewd as I thought." (meant to be sung to the tune of Be Gentle by The Boy Least Likely To)

OK, seemingly pointless. However, I'm feeling more balanced. I think I'll sleep. Enough with these feelings.

Haiku... bless you:

2008-06-02T13:52:00.000-07:00

hey! panera bread
cafe, right? well, not really...
but, you'll do for now.

I've been spending some time in Panera bread, semi-cafe... It doesn't have a real cafe feel. I'd rather sit at Starbucks, their ice water is exponentially better and there are lots more freaks that I can peep whilst reading or writing or listening to tunage... buuuut they do lack one thing... Wireless internet... pshhhh, girls gotta stay connected.

There was a rather pleasant gal this afternoon who offered to plug in my computer cord, she seemed a bit older, I had my headphones on, she was typing away on her Mac and Blackberry...
Thus we didn't converse much. Such a shame.

I've been pretty stand-offish lately... When Alyx is around we can make friends with anyone, and I can do it alone as well. I guess I've just been in a dumpy mood lately, which has been rubbing off on my social skills... Oops.

Being blow off by the first [good] friend I made took a toll on me... He was pretty fabulous, at least the person he showed me... After a week or so his true colors came out and our time together dwindled. That's life. You think you find something great and then poof, it's gone. OK enough with the poor me, pessimist attitude... It so doesn't fit me.

:) on a happier note I found a lovely family to sit babies for. The Warners... kids are precious, mom is a darling, dad has a seriously good book collection. And since the great city of Jacksonville isn't down for issuing me a library card it seems that the Warners and I were a perfect match. They seem to enjoy me... and I reciprocate.

Krakauers' Into Thin Air is my newest endeavor straight from The Cedar Street Book Shelf.

Men play at tragedy because
they do not believe in the reality
of the tragedy which is actually
being staged in the civilized world.
-Jose Ortega y Gasset

I wrote my cousin Michael a belated birthday card... it began:
[Michael,
You mean the world to me.]
I am anxious to hear back from him. I miss him in my life...
My best friend growing up, now we hardly speak. Don't like it.

Wanna laugh? Wanna cry? Wanna be touched ;) ? Wanna fall in love? Wanna feel all tingly inside? Wanna poop back and forth? Wanna know what that even means? Be inspired... Watch You, Me, and Everyone We Know... It is definitely one of my new favorite movies... You can watch it here.

OK, enjoy.

A rapid, persistent chemical change that releases heat and light and is accompanied by flame...

2008-05-12T21:57:00.000-07:00

Embrace the little fires that erupt in your day. Another horoscope... I find that they are semi-interesting tid-bits that can be related back to me in some way or another (perfect for blogs and things). Congrats horoscope, mission accomplished.

Speaking of little fires the Jacksonville news told me that there are something like 35,000 (thousand!) little wildfires all around Florida currently. HOT DAMN! Alyx and I saw one in Georgia on our drive down from the NorthEast-aah. Wonderful trip we had, tons of laughs. Forest fires though... naaaht funny.

Little fires gee, seems I have been too occupied with the drive down and getting acclimated here in my new town, at my new house, in my new room that I am not catching the fires just yet. There is still that one fire in particular that, every once in a while, has me feelin' low. The burn out, it's a bitch. But pshhh whatevaaah. There will be lots of fun and games for me this summer and I'm psyched for it all.

I'm gearing up for some coincidences. I can feel them little fires are bout to erupt for me.

And I want to breath there someday. Maybe read some ancient manuscripts. Look at all that energy, OOOOOH-AAAAAH. I've gotta work on finding my own little paradise here in Jacksonville until my day comes.

TRUE HOROSCOPE

2008-04-21T00:37:00.001-07:00

"The universe is amplifying your charm level now -- use it to get what you want." (iVillage.com, week of 4-20)

My boyish charm is working to my advantage, I really love being a girl however. Exuding perfect combinations lately.

Slowing down and noticing life before it passes away. This is what I'm working on in my last week of the semester.

You Me and Everyone We Know was cool. Enjoyable. Enlightening. Truthful. Thank you.

Human biology final in the morning. Wish me luck... Matt will dig this, but I'll let him down gently.

Au Revoir.

hello old friend

2008-04-20T22:58:00.000-07:00

I had a brilliant day. Wasn't AS sunny as the passed couple, but it was just as enjoyable. Life in the sun is something that can't be substituted for.

Hello Florida you are an old friend too. How lovely that it only took such a short time for us to grow so close. Now, I am going to be graced with your presence for a whole summer. Hello Eileen! and Di. More than you could know I am looking forward to being your four month long guest. Of course I'll pull my weight, I ain't no freeloader. But we are going to have such a groovy time. Can already tell. Hello Nick, hope I see you. Hello ipod, I was ecstatic to see you again if only for a day or two. It had been such a long time, but don't think for a second that I had forgotten about you. In fact each time I used my new and upgraded sea foam green (which is maybe the only thing that i like better, maybe. i might not even like it as much as your pearly whites) ipod nano I remember how much I miss you. Hope you come back to me soon. We need some baby JUICE! Hello Dad, it was such a treat to see you today. We had a picture perfect time together. So comfortable, so laidback, we didn't get at each other hardly at all, except when you got upset about me no call no showing to AE (sorry Kaitlyn and Jacqueline, btw. but there was no way I was going to come work at the mall on a day as fantastic as this one turned out to be. Imagine all of the memories and precious seconds of life I would've missed while bringing 12 year old girls extra small bikini tops in the dressing rooms all day... sorry that you had to work while I had amazing things happening all day. I should've found someone to cover for me ahead of time... won't happen again.)

Hello beach cruiser that is awaiting my arrival. We will become fast friends I'm sure. Gas isn't something that I'll be exposed to much unless it's coming from myself.

I am going to watch the rest of You Me and Everyone We Know. Recommended by the man of the hour. Which reminds me that I bought The 11th Hour. Leo DiCaprio, sucha babe. Leo Tolstoy however, his words are wise. On the topic of fashion which Jason Mraz spoke of in his blog I was brought to Tolstoy who spoke to me and said "He never chooses an opinion; he just wears whatever happens to be in style." Ladies and gentlemen, don't be that guy.

Be... Like me. But don't be like me.

Let Me See You Stripped Down To The Bone

2008-03-19T08:43:00.000-07:00

I'm currently in the process of writing a letter. Now, I don't write them often (or at all, ever) but I think this situation calls for a bit of snail mail lovin'. The affects of this letter have the potential to be devastating, in a few different ways; the potential for love and goodness is there as well, in an equal number of ways.

Humans are such intricate beings and that makes simple things like telling someone how you feel, or doing the right thing seem questionable, when they should not be. I see, so clearly, the outcome that bad decision making has on those close to me. My brain has this weird quirky feature that allows it to vividly lay out how others think, act, react, move, stop, go, rethink... it can be abrasive at times, but I use my power for good usually, and not evil.

The problem with it is, that my visualizing and deciphering clout is useless when worked on myself. This is where it gets messy. I am not able to figure myself out, why I do things, what my next move will be, why I do what I do... it's a downfall that I'm working on daily.

Hopefully with the releasing of this dove-like letter into the mailbox of peace and harmony I'll be able to find some for myself. There is too much on my subconscious mind to fully process and understand at this time. So by letting go of some of the external junk I've been holding onto I hope to be able to begin fixing up my inner workings.

I have a date with Yoga at 12:30, she always helps.

To DO:
Smile randomly
Buy "We Sing, We Dance, We Steal Things"
Give someone a sincere compliment
Watch "Gone Baby Gone" & return it
Drink extra water today
Steal apples from the cafeteria
Homework...? if I get around to it
Allow the cool rain to hit my hood-less head

Listen to "Stripped" by Depeche Mode, you won't be disappointed.

There is also a wonderful cover done by The Shiny Toy Guns available for your listening pleasure.

We saw The Shinys up at Killington on Saturday... fo' free!

Carah Faye is God in babe form.

Pranks for Peace?

2008-03-12T22:32:00.000-07:00

Just an idea I had tonight. Makes me wonder what about showering stirs my mind in such a creative way... Pranks for Peace. Sounds catchy, but I bet you don't really get it... Yeah I don't really get it yet either. It seems like a tough task, but I feel like if I can figure it out it could be pretty revolutionary.

We pranked again tonight. It's all fun and good, and thus far it's still a riot. Hysterical at times actually. It's our 100% guarantee for a belly-ache before bedtime. Somehow though, that doesn't seem to be enough... at least for me it isn't. We got a bit more racy this evening and it made me think twice about how we're affecting people. I want to be more proactive, I want to create instead of break down, I want to make peace instead of putting distance between [us]. Us meaning more or less everybody. We are all so wrongfully disconnected as a human race, we need to reconnect. There certainly is a way for reconnection to happen and I am intent on finding a way to be a helpful addition to the cause.

Pranks that aim for peace rather than strictly humor is my most recent idea. For now at least... who knows what I'll scheme up in the near future (:

Power to the prankers!
Ok, cool.
Goodnight All!

Thanks Goodness for *67

2008-03-10T18:28:00.001-07:00

I'm thinking something very similar to this for my next tattoo. Perhaps not in a square shape, but I'd love to incorporate most of the design aspects and have it tres colorful. NIIICE-AH!

Aum is powerful. It encompasses the entire Universe in one sound, one vibration, one symbol. Imagine everything that is, everything that has been and everything that will be and that's it. That's Aum. Peaceful, whole, completely mind blowing. Consciousness at it's absolute best. And I want it on my bod. It will signify my understanding of the higher being. It will be my religion. It will be my spirit, personified. Exuberant in color and design. Encompassing life, love, peace, eternity.

A special thank you to all of those who gave me the inspiration for these award winning haiku'z:

Sorry to compare
Your mind is a poor bird, trapped
Caged away, angry

Let her loose now please
Trust that all will be gracious
Open minds make peace

MY girlfriends and I are the Queens of Quip. Prank calls are the tits. Watch yo' back kids! Actually... when picking our victims the la la la ladies and I make sure that we'll have a lively response. If you get pranked be flattered; you are the chosen one! And it's either because you're fun and kooky and give it right back to us or because you're short temper and overzealous attitude aid in our uncontrollable fits of laughter. Either way, I salute you.

Drop your suggestions for future pranks in the box on your way out, thanks!

xo,
Cack

The Man of My (Sex) Dreams

2008-03-09T20:29:00.000-07:00

For the passed few nights I've been having wildly vivid and erotic dreams... and my lucid lover you ask? None other than Mister Mraz. YEEEEAZ.

Alyx and I have been much closer and more open lately with our sexual encounters. Yesterday we shared a steamy shower and since my roommate has been gone all weekend we've been working it all around the room (sorry Jak!). This leads me to wonder if this has some connection to my dreamland dirties...? Perhaps, because I am being more sexual than usual, my brain and various other parts are working overtime. Are my sex dreams, in a sense, coming true?

Who knows...?
I'm not complaining.

My daily horoscope went a little something like this... You're surprised to discover that one of your dreams is close to becoming reality. It makes me wonder... I'm going to wear cute undies to bed. Just in case. ;)

ATTN: Blowing bubbles is my new meditation. In addition, it's back to yoga for me tomorrow. I've been out of touch with myself, it seems, for a couple weeks now... and I don't like it.

Au REVOIR & Happy Blowing.

I Need A Cold Liquid Snack

2008-03-05T22:21:00.000-08:00

{chipped nail polish days
sun, she hides away her rays
tomorrow, a smile.}

my life in a haiku. well really just my occasional gloomy day in a haiku, but who's even reading this?

mraz inspired me to bring the haiku back. during the most anticipated part of my night, showering!!, i thought up a handful of em... and let me tell you i'm good. real good. there will be more, yeeez!

polaroids rock on... hard

(from left to right: alyx "smokin' hot" blaze, me.)

is the term "pussy" the more masculine way to call someone a scaredy cat?
sleep on it.

caio!

A Brief

2008-03-04T13:04:00.000-08:00

the sun is doing her own thing today. wanting nothing to do with burlington. i wonder what the reason might be...? she was wide eye'd and bright for me yesterday. if you see her tell her i miss her, please. and thanks.

my mood is proven to be exponentially increased when i am being beaten with warm rays and blinded by the light of the sun. i think that a lot of people would concur. why isn't the sun always shining? wouldn't we be a happier planet? i think so.

i wonder if mother nature has a suggestion box. ::drop::

block posters are the cooooooooooooooooooolest!
check out blockposters.com if you wanna be cool too.

hookay, bye!

The Beauty In Ugly

2008-02-28T20:43:00.001-08:00

I forgot about these. They're from yesterday, I snooped around an old abandoned house at the end of my street. The land is grungy and the house is beat up, but I'm fascinated by it all. This is actually one of my favorite places to go.

I'm Not Cool Quite Yet

2008-02-28T20:11:00.000-08:00

I'm slightly depressed over Polaroid stopping all production of their products. I wrote to Ellen. Maybe she'll answer my prayers like she did for Reese? Polaroid a Day Project... Com'on Ellen, think of how cool a segment we could make that into! Brilliant really. Sleep on it.

Went to a wake this evening. Woman I worked with. 46 years old... two daughters around my age... the cause, some unknown disease? Weird... Writing on the back of the little card which I don't know the proper name for, clearly, but being proper is overrated anyhow.. the writing on the back of the card was called DREAMS. It incorporated life, death, dreams and happiness into 6 lines of heartfelt junk that I don't really care about right now, perhaps tomorrow. I did really like the picture on the other side though. It was a wonderful scene of a rainbow and this piece of earth that looked like heaven. No pearly gates or dude in sandals, . It was nature, at it's finest. Maybe I'll scan it... don't get your hopes up.

Why do I write like someone actually reads this? Carolyn, you should just start writing to yourself. It will probably be more honest.

I guess I'm jealous of Jason Mraz.

He can get his thoughts out so well with words, he is so unbelievable with words. He is probably the person I can relate to most in the world of the famous. Everything that comes out of his mouth or fingertips I can hardly wait to decipher. Carolyn, you want to be that cool someday don't you?

Yes.

Miss my friends in Burlington. I'm getting thankful that break it close to being over. Oh, I miss Alyx too. A lot, even though we talk everyday. I've been smiling less without her around. Operation 143 will commence once we return. Hopefully she surprises me and brings up her green VW bus instead of the Jeep. Hippybus cruisin' is where I see myself in the future.

Carolyn, stop yawning... it's only 11:38. I'm getting tired, tomorrow is going to be an adventure to Amherst. Should sleep, so goodnight. Goodnight whoever.

Home Is Where The Heart Is

2008-02-26T22:01:00.000-08:00

i'm back home for spring break and i've been bumming around like a champion since sunday. tomorrow i'm planning on being a bit more active. perhaps i'll take my pup for a walk around while i listen to jason mraz and smoke a clove. yeah that sounds like something chloe and i could enjoy together.

i've been jotting and juggling, very champion-like, lately. little black book, moleskine, she's a beaut. brilliance is ah-brewin'. juggling whatever i find. today it was nectarines.

this break is full of campus visits. i'll tarantino it. friday i'm going to umass. more on that story after it happens. anyway i kicked it off with a trip to endicott on saturday to see becky.

i ventured to beverly care of a collection of locomotives. started off in quincy on the redline. switched over to the greenline at park street. headed over to north station where i exchanged glances with a mysteriously steezy young fella in a plaid fitted hat and huge headphones. we sat nearby one another on the commuter rail train-car whose large windows and spacious seating allowed for comfortable and impressive views of the native surroundings. the sky was spectacular that day. bright and vivid and full of character. clouds and rays of sun and hidden rainbows who made themselves visible to only me, because they know how much i appreciate them. at least that's what i assume... SHRUG.

everybody needs somebody.

becky is fun. an interesting girl. we call each other lobsters. lobsters pick a mate and stay with them forever. becky will be in my life forever. if i'm never sure of anything again, i am confident that i can be sure of that.

this is us after a considerable amount of cheap boxed wine.

she puts the lush in sunset blush.

-c

Another? Don't Mind If I Do.

2008-01-11T08:50:00.000-08:00

It is a new year... what does that mean? I'm sure many different things, to different people. Promises to be better to oneself, gym memberships, nicotine patches, weight watchers memberships, yadda yadda, yadda yadda yadda. These fall short in most cases, so what does that meant to me? I wasn't going to set these false hopes for myself, quit smoking? Well, I don't have that intense drive, I'm not a pack a day-er, I've been there, but now I'm down to smoking cloves when I have the money to buy them, and even then I smoke them sparingly. Doesn't seem like the resolution for me. Getting to the gym more often? Yadda yadda, I'll go when I want to, and I'm more apt to workout when I don't have the fact that I 'should' go lingering over me like a rain cloud, pouring down shame when I miss a gym day.

Resolutions seem hollow more often than not. I want to do something for myself at least once a week. Take a yoga class, read a book, write a poem or a blog entry, go for a run, sky watch, experience sensual pleasure in some way or another, buy a scratch ticket, take myself to the movies, indulge myself in an ice-cream cone, sleep in way passed the normal time of rising. Go ahead have that cocktail. I'm keeping myself happy by tiny acts of selfishness. My resolution is to be minutely selfish.

There it is, I'm done here for now.

C!

OM!

2008-01-11T08:09:00.000-08:00

I have successfully completed my first week back at school. This semester is going to be... something, I don't quite know what it's going to be, but it is going to be something. Actually it's going to be many things. It's going to be my last at Champlain, hopefully a hugely positive learning experience, in every aspect of my life. My education first and foremost, personal relationships and expanding my understanding of such, connecting with myself - 'soul searching' if you will, health and wellness - yoga, exercising, eating better, clearly I have a lot to work on and the list is all, but at it's end.

Philosophy has always been a part of me. My father passed his recognition of it to me well before he was even in my life. It's inborn, it has always been there for me and it always will be. I am just now (within the passed year or so) really beginning to feel it for myself and learning how to use it to my advantage. Hard thing to get to work for you, philosophy is. Especially in the world we live in today, where no one wants or needs to think for themselves. That's not true either, there are plenty of think-for-yourselfers, I just have trouble finding the ones who think similarly to myself. Surely the uncertainty I have for myself and the second guessing I have been prone to lately, aren't aiding me in what I am trying to accomplish... I must work harder at that.

Wouldn't it be just simply liberating to act as a hippie for a period of time? To experiment with hallucinogenics and have a number of passionate sensual encounters with seemingly no consequence. For me it would. Feeling that sort of untouchable freedom, I am certain that I could come out of an experience like that and be ready to conquer the world... as long as I didn't borrow any life altering sexually transmitted diseases from said encounters. I think I was meant for the 60s... Or not.

No yoga classes today, so I'm forced to do a half-assed version by myself. Light candles, Google yoga positions as a refresher, put on some Shamanic jams, and go with the flow. It's the weekend and all I want to do is read and do yoga... I'm more likely to take a few shots of cheap vodka and get together in forced awkward situations. For me, this as a test. Goodluck.

C!

Many the Miles

2007-12-30T17:41:00.000-08:00

Listening to a song by Sara Bareilles gave me inspiration this evening. A good friend gave me a copy of her new album "Little Voices" and I felt subtle connections with a couple of the tracks. Those that I didn't connect with I bopped along to anyway, she's catchy. Her personality seems carefree and easy. "We'd get along, for sure" I thought, as I drove around on my way home smoking a clove.

Anyways, connections is my point. Many the Mile just happened to remind me of this one person in particular who I shared an interesting connection with once upon a time. His name was Nick... well it still is, anyway. Nick, Nick from Florida, Nick from Florida who lives in Colorado now, Cold Liquid Snack Nick, Haggard Nick, my Nick. We spent 5 days and 4 nights together in Jacksonville last summer, June I believe. I've never felt that sort of a closeness with anyone. It was almost as if he knew me before I even opened my mouth to tell him my name. The way he looked at me wasn't normally how people looked at me, but it felt, I think, like the way it always should. We've been out of touch, but there have been signs all around me as of late that are telling me things. P.S. I Love You, Hellboy, my potential move to Florida this summer... so I called him. It was different, it was the first time in a long time that I had spoken with him. I miss him like he was mine. He felt like he was mine. We both felt it, there is something special.

Before my ride home with Sara Bareilles connection music playing at me, I was at Target buying movies, New Yrz party supplies and returning a hoodie. Eileen sent the hoodie up to me. It was cute, I don't usually do cute. I'm happy with my exchanges though. I am planning on living with her down in Jacksonville for this summer. Connections connections. Maybe Nick will come back and we will run into each other. Keep your fingers crossed for me? Thanks.

OHkay, now I have to run a bath for my little sister Hannah. Then I'm off to catch a movie with Caity! Au Revoir for now.

C<3